Should i be so controlled by how ashamed of my appearence i am (photo)?

I don't understand. Your body is perfectly normal. You are not fat, you are actually on the skinny side. There is no need to be so insecure. You are young and fit and have nothing to be concerned about, body-wise. Anyway, you want a girl to like you for you, not for your body. Your body is going to grow and change over time, as will hers. Beauty is more than skin deep, my friend. I have been with my husband for a decade now, and we don't look exactly like we did 10 years ago.